You know when we were little kids, we had a lot in common and there were the usual few things that we all liked and those that we all hated. Like how little girls were usually interested in dolls, playhouses and pretty things, boys on the other hand were always excited about their favorite superhero toy figurines and toy cars. The boys hated the girls and normally the girls feel the same about the boys too. Although that usually changes when we get older and when our hormones start telling us the opposite (of course with an exception to a few who end up falling for the same kind). Anyway, there’s one thing i can think of that im sure all of us liked when were kids, aeroplanes.
Aeroplane!
Back then, I get so distracted and excited at the sound or sight of an aeroplane overhead. Trips to the airport were always filled with excitement, because either i was going on an aeroplane or i was going to see them upclose. I remember always standing up on the benches, waiting for them to take off and wave goodbye. I wouldnt say that i got to fly frequently but throughout the years, i had my fair share family trips and saying goodbye to my relatives. It was never that emotional and sad, maybe because the trips were usually short or maybe because i was still too young for complicated feelings =P And although somewhere along the road i developed mild phobia in flying, i still enjoyed my trips and the sight of an aeroplane still excites me.
However, certain things have changed.
Night of my loongesttt flight
I no longer like airports, whether it’s a holiday i’ll be flying off to, picking someone up or saying goodbye. I don’t get the same feeling i usually get as a kid when i step into an airport anymore and it doesnt matter whether it’s Kuching’s own airport or some other airport im at. Then again, maybe it’s because im not a kid anymore, we get wiser and our emotions start to get complexed…or maybe because i blame the airport, the place that used to be my Never Never Land, for it have brought me so much sadness and pain.
Recently i was at the airport sending someone off and throughout my time there, my heart was at the bottom of my feet…it felt depressing. Depressing walking into the airport, depressing waiting for the check in, depressing to sit and wait, depressing to stand in front of the glass wall seperating the departure hall and airport lobby, depressing walking back to my car and even the journey to the airport is depressing. Dont get me wrong, i dont hate the place…just that it makes me somewhat morose.
Will it be any different in the future? Will i get back the sense of exhilaration and happiness again? Can i be a little boy again? I really don’t think so and certainly it’s not about being stubborn…because good or bad, certain things are carved into your heart and will be there to stay forever. Scars are hard to embrace but people say it’s a sign of victory, well…is it?
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