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It leaves you sitting in your chair after the ending credits have long gone, it leaves you sitting in your chair with your mind wandering, about how the story would have continued, about the feelings of the characters and events that took place. It leaves you sitting in your chair as long and as far as your imagination would take you. It clouds your mind, leaving you in a state of delusion, not able to separate fact from fiction, the real from the fake.

But at the same time, every moment of this figment of your imagination affects you in a very authentic manner. Every single feeling in this realm is brought back into reality, right into your soul.

Maybe it is because some of the events in the script is similar to what you had experienced in your life before, giving you a special connection to this ‘parallel world’. Or maybe it is because you are just another person with a battered heart, someone in an emotionally vulnerable state. On a normal day, you seemed just like every other person on the outside, getting along reasonably well with what life is giving you. But unnoticed inside of you, is an incandescent bulb as your source of emotional stability, waiting for the smallest trigger to break off the fragile tungsten wire.

It is now only a dark black screen in front of you, as you slowly come to terms with all of that has just hit you. The sensational rush of so many different emotions overwhelms you, leaving you at the edge of tears. You try to figure out the real cause of your vulnerability, is it because of the lemons life throws at you? is it because of love? the loneliness? friends? relationships? or is it because you are missing that special unexplainable ‘something’ in life?

Spending more time that you ever expected, you finally dozed off to the exhaustion all these have brought onto you. Just hoping that you wake up the next day recovered although strangely at the same moment, you wished the story would continue in your dreams, the never ending story created by your figment, the one wholly fueled by your emotions.

Tonight, I am that person.

And still in search of that special something.

Empty

…said that “as long as I know how to love, I know I’ll stay alive…”

Hmm…

Ohhh shit!

• Yesterday i had hope.
• I thought things were about to settle down.
• I had a short-term plan.
• One less thing to worry about.
• Today I am lost.
• I am walking aimlessly.
• Trying to understand what is happening.
• Why are things going the way there are.
• I know partly it is my fault, bringing myself to where I am standing right now.
• But what about the other half, should I blame fate?
• I’m OK from the outside.
• but I’m not on the inside.
• I have a lot to say today, but i cant seem to spit it out.
• Even if i did, it wont change anything.
• Everything will still be the same after i wake up.
• I’m down, I’m negative, and so I’m not a great fan of keeping my faith now.
• Tomorrow is another day.
• Tomorrow I’m still lonely.
• Tomorrow I continue to wander…

So I’m back at a familiar place, one that has tons of memories that i left behind…not just memories made there but also all the significant ones that happened outside the walls of the white and blue building. The all so familiar pond i cross over to get to my office everyday, the staircase, the cubical I once occupied, the familiar people I know that have never failed to bring on the sense of warmth on me and most of all the yellow light secret corner. This time I met quite a number of people that I never really got acquainted to the last time I was there, who remembered me and even one who thought i never left. But…is it all the same as before?

2009

Well, not exactly. Most of all it’s because some of my friends ain’t there anymore, ‘Disneyland’ has gotten a minor makeover and the fab is much more in order in terms of 5S. Coincidentally I’m also using the pedestal and car sticker of my former colleagues. Work wise it’s getting a bit more serious that what i encountered before, no more extreme slacking around and sitting in the office surfing the net for the whole afternoon. Anyway, I’m glad I retained quite a lot of the things that I’ve learned the last time around, that I have a kick-ass boss and for having the rest of my colleagues I know that are still there.

2288

It’s still too early to tell how crazy work will get, good or bad I’m still determined and looking forward to what is ahead. Bottom line is that, I’m satisfied with where i am with my work now. Of course we can always complain about work, about the pay but we often overlook the good and what we have currently. Everyone wants a higher pay but how much is enough? We often feel that we’ll be satisfied with ‘this amount’ of salary but when we’ve reached that point, dissatisfaction can still surely take over if we don’t learn to appreciate the basics or what we had in the first place.

2010

Also at the same time I’m gonna have to channel every possible extra juice that i have left to finishing my studies. Thankful for my latest results as it was a better than i had expected so now I’m on my final year, my final stretch to crossing the finishing line and i do hope i make it!

:)

My last day at work is on the 25th of February.

9 months ago i joined the company for what would be my first real job and nothing could have prepared me for what i have came across in a real work environment…not with what i studied in uni or even not with the personal accounts of my fellow friends who have already joined the workforce. I must admit that at first i was naive because i expected for things that i could never get in a real work environment and that really got me struggling with the whole ‘work-life’ thing. For one, i couldn’t really understand and accept the fact that backstabbing, people taking credit for other people’s work and stubborn people boasting as if they are Einstein happens quite often at work. I allowed these issues to bother me emotionally and so i got very unhappy and dissatisfied at work…i was ready to walk away.

I think there are a lot of times throughout the year that can be marked as a new start, it doesn’t always need to be during the 1st of January. Therefore I don’t usually have any new year’s resolutions, no personal goals or target that i have to achieve for a particular year. I know it sounds bad but i feel that it’s better for me this way because having too much plans may sometimes lead to even more disappointments. No, it’s not that im afraid to face disappointments, i just prefer to set goals as i go along because a year can be quite a long time (well sometimes it feels that way) with a lot of uncertainties.

Anyway, I know i’ve neglected this blog for quite a while but just right after my last post, i started on a ’summer’ semester which was a lot shorter with more lectures and assignments in between. I’ve also been picking up pace at work because of increased orders and new equipments arriving at our doorstep, all brought on by the recovering economy. Then there were the Christmas and new year holidays. I only had time to sit down and take a breather after my 3rd semester’s final exam ended a week ago.

So, I did some changes to my blog layout as i got kinda bored with the old black theme. It felt dark and gloomy and brought on a sense of a sad, emo blog (i guess it was one but…oh well nvm). Hence the very white theme now. Sometimes change is good because it freshen things up although to be honest i don’t really know whether there would be anyone reading my blog anymore, thinking that ‘it’ has passed on :P

Anyhoo, this will be a short entry just to signify the return of my blog. Yeah there have been certain positive changes to my life since the end of last year in terms of my outlook on life and a career change that i would blog the next time around. I’m also running out of time because it’s Chinese New Year and i’m gonna be late for reunion dinner.

So Happy Chinese New Year everyone!! Have a blessed Tiger year. And no, don’t have any Chinese NEW YEAR resolutions ;)

My last post was a bit more than 5 weeks ago and i think it’s been the longest i went without writing something here. Anyway, it’s my blog and it’s never too late to write so here are some of the major events then happened during this period…

Semester 2 exam
I had my exam one day after my last post. I hate the fact that the exam time is never enough for those exams that require lots of writing (essay/short answers). It’s writing all the way from start to end and sometimes it feels like if i pause to think, i’ll be losing my marks from not having enough time to finish answering. My right hand always feels abused after ever non-calculation exam. Anyhow, i felt a bit better about this sem’s final and although i knew that i was only 1 mark away from the next best grade when my results came out 3 weeks later i was still overall satisfied. Classes for my third sem started even before my results were out and because it’s sort of a short/summer semester, everything is squeezed into a much tighter packed semester. Bad news is that i have less time in between assignments and my up coming final exam is a week before chinese new year. cock!

Penang
I was over at Penang in one of the weekends after the long wait (I bought the ticket in July this year). To be honest there aint a whole lot more places to shop there compared to Kuching so most of the time i was just going places, looking for food. My top priority was the cendol (mission accomplished!) but other than that i got to try the indian ox tail soup, super delicious dim sum, prawn mee, loh mee, curry mee, lok-lok, some roti-canai look alike wrap with hot-dog and cheese, J. Co baby donuts, Winter Warmer afternoon tea, Char Siew Puff and Paddington HOP Pancakes!

Cendol

I often take time out to browse photo blogs, especially the work of people like Ben Chrisman and Jenny Sun, inspires me greatly. It’s because of these beautiful moments frozen by great photographers that makes me wanna pick up my camera and set out on a aimless journey, just to take pictures.

*Photos copyright of Jenny Sun Photography (www.jennysunphotography.blogspot.com)

Do take a look at the slideshow of her latest work too. Simply gorgeous! Needless to say, Im gonna save lots and lots for my wedding photos, if i ever get married that is :P

As I gather my thoughts
With the pieces of my heart
Tell me, how long is forever
I’m not afraid and I won’t be torn apart
We’ve had our time together

I keep hoping, I keep hoping baby,
I’m gonna find a way
I keep hoping, I keep hoping baby
There are better days, better days
I keep hoping, hoping and praying
And I still believe in love
I keep hoping . . .

~Foreigners

Tryin to be funny

Super cool products always have super funky things written on the packaging.  That’s er…usually the case lah as I came across one today. Yeah!

andd….my freedom awaits me. just one more week.